Monday, 28 January 2013

Weigh in, trampolines, etc

Well I weighed in this morning and have lost....... drum roll..... half a pound. Much as I am tempted to moan at that, it is hilariously my first loss in 3 weeks as I am such a terrible excuse for a human being, so keep positive eh. I am now down to 27 points a day again.

This means that my budget for this week is an impressive £30! However, I am still no closer towards the elusive goals of make up or clothes as I am still in positive figures from my starting weight. How hugely sickening.

Last week I spent £29.54 which is a shocking £4.54 over my budget. As I BROKE THE BUDGET I will transfer TWICE THE DIFFERENCE into my savings account. Well even if my weight loss is pretty unimpressive at least it's making me a bit of a financial hero.

My boyfriend has now gone away and I am here living on my own. This is the longest I will have been without seeing my boyfriend since May 2011. Ever since I moved in to this flat with him in April 2011 this is going to be the longest I have ever stayed in it on my own (as other times I of course, naturally, ran back to my mum, but that was BEFORE I HAD TO BECOME AN ADULT UGH.) As well as the fact I obviously miss my boyfriend like mad, in general him not being around is pretty bad for my weight loss because:


  • My boyfriend is really encouraging with weight loss (in a good way, not in a way that makes me feel like shit) 
  • My boyfriend has lots LOADS of weight himself (a shocking amount, why so much easier for men??), so is really inspirational etc
  • I am a comfort eater and a 'eat because I'm alone' eater.
So this evening I've eaten approx 10000000000000 points. This cannot continue.  HERE IS THE PLAN:

Tuesday: 27 points.
Wednesday: 27 points.
Thursday: 27 points.
Friday: 27 points worth of food. I am then going out. (Long overdue, Soho is calling my name). 15 points max on drinks, less would be better.
Saturday: 27 points.
Sunday: My boyfriend is back and we are going out for a roast. CAN'T WAIT I AM SO EXCITED. Do my best to point it.

Today I did a 'Rebounding' class which is when you bounce around on mini trampolines like a giddy child. I have honestly never done any exercise in my life that has been remotely like it before and IT WAS AMAZING, I am actually considering buying my own mini trampoline so I can bounce about at home but until then I think I am going to make it a regular class. It was super fun but also my calves are burning so think it was probably a good workout. Got loads of other workouts planned this week too - I think my only rest day is going to be Friday, where I will DANCE LIKE CRAZY so hopefully that will count.

Saturday, 26 January 2013

Dancefit at Frame Shoreditch - Review

Well last week I mentioned in my post about exercise that I was looking out for a new fitness class. I googled 'fitness classes Shoreditch' not quite knowing what to expect and discovered the Frame website. Frame is an untraditional style of gym that involves having lots, and lots, and lots of very interesting and creative sounding exercise classes. Although membership is an option, I chose to pay as you go. No commitment required whatsoever, just literally pay and go. I booked my class online in advance. Cost is between £6-£18 a session, depending on what you are doing, how long you are doing it for and whether it's peak or off peak. My 45-minute peak time Dancefit session cost £10.

Having a look through I was seriously impressed and felt vaguely giddy - 80's aerobics? How to dance in music videos? I had found my exercise spiritual home. I was also impressed that everything was online so booking was quick and easy. I deliberated for about 45 minutes over what to pick - Commercial Hip Hop?? Musical Theatre?? - but in the end went for something that sounded fairly 'normal' as I was going to be a firsttimer - Dancefit.

All week I was really nervous about going to this class. I was shy about the fact I wasn't going to know anyone and the fact I am pretty un-coordinated (DYSPRAXIC I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW) and hardly super glam and thin (hence the whole having of this blog in the first place). So a couple of days ago I headed down to Frame after work a bit giddy and a bit shakey, with absolutely no idea what to expect.

Frame is actually under the arches of a railway bridge and screams "SHOREDITCH".

Toto, we're not in Wandsworth anymore


I entered reception and was hit by the fact that everyone working there looked like they'd been flown over specifically from Hollywood for the purpose; shiny hair, great nails, the works. The changing rooms were good; quite busy but it was pretty peak time when I went and still enough space for everyone to get changed. You take your bag into the studio with you so no need to worry about lockers etc which is great.

As I waited outside the studio to be called in for our class I felt horribly sick and nervous. Everyone also waiting was about 6ft 5 and a size 4 and a lot of them had American accents. They all looked like they worked out all the time and I was really worried I was going to show myself up. My nerves weren't calmed when our instructor turned up, especially as she had abs that would have put Jillian Michaels to shame. 

When we all were in the studio and the other people turned up my nerves were calmed a bit. For three supermodels in galaxy print leggings there was at least one person who looked vaguely normal and like I could empathise with them, so I decided to hit it hard. There were no men at all - it was all girls, and ages were mixed from I would say about 17-35. Most people seemed to be in their twenties so I felt like the right demographic. No one else there was there with friends (as far as I can tell) so I didn't feel like a freak for being on my own.

Dancefit the class itself was hard. There was no explicit warm up and cool down - it was all incorporated into our routine. It was pretty much like aerobics but with routines you had to remember and the odd random shimmy. For a while it felt like all we were doing was jumping and all I was saying in my head was "I have paid £10 to feel this awful, I have paid £10 to feel this awful, what is wrong with me I have paid £10 to feel this awful". I think the worst part about Dancefit was the giant mirrors in the studio - I totally understand the point in having them, but I don't like looking at myself in the mirror at the best of times let alone when I am glistening with sweat, bright red and wearing leggings (George at Asda, not American Apparel galaxy print, no worries). However, there were loads of good things about Dancefit. Leaping around to JLo and Cheryl Cole is my natural and spiritual home. My heart was beating in a way that I am not used to and I am beyond confident that I got a good workout - I am still aching all over now!

After the main cardio session we did sit ups, planks etc which was hard work as my abs were still aching like mad from my kickboxing class two days previously and I am not ashamed to say that I did not do every last sit up, but both the instructor and the girls that managed it were almost certainly not human so there you go.

After the class I had a nice long hot shower in the changing rooms as a reward. The shower was great - individual cubicles (Call me a prude but for me it's an essential!), nice shampoo and conditioner provided, and a nice powerful hot shower. I was only going home after the session so I didn't tart myself up too much but there were hair straighteners provided as well as plenty of places to sit and do your make up so it would be easy to go and meet friends after a class.

I was struck by how friendly everyone was at Frame - the instructor, despite not being human as previously mentioned, seemed lovely, and all the staff were super nice. During the class it was pretty normal and not weird for people to make eye contact and mouth "I THINK I AM GOING TO DIE" which is always enjoyable, and after I got changed some posh woman with impeccable hair struck up a conversation with me about Bikram yoga. Everyone was like "well I don't feel guilty for going for pizza now, ha ha!" and I thought in my head "Well of course you don't, you're a size 6" but I didn't say it out loud. 

Overall I had a really positive experience. Despite anything negative I may have said and the fact I don't feel like I *properly* fit in, there were quite a few other people who seemed similar to me and as I kept trying to remind myself, unless they were born looking like gazelles I'm pretty sure they too had to start somewhere. It was different from what I am used to but different's not a bad thing and I will be going back.

As mentioned my boyfriend is off on business all week next week so I'll have plenty of spare time. As well as my normal kickboxing class I've also booked myself in for a 'Vibe' session (oo-er) and a 'Quickie Bound' session which involves mini-trampolines(!). I'm even considering booking myself in for a class on the Saturday, that's how seriously I am taking this. I will let you know how each class goes and maybe I should make my way through the whole menu to tell you all how it is!


Overall: If you live or work in London, give Frame a go. It's super convenient if you work in the City, and fairly easy to get to from anywhere else - it's right by Shoreditch High Street Overground, and about a 10 minute walk from Old Street Underground. If you're looking for something different and a seriously good workout then don't be shy and throw yourself in!

Wednesday, 23 January 2013

Wednesday Food Diary

Good evening all, and we are over halfway through the week!! Cash in. This week I stayed the same weight as last weight which is better than a gain so there you go really.

This is what I ate today, which was a pretty typical day for my life.


Breakfast - 6am
Blueberry Oat So Simple - 3 points
Milk for the day - 2 points
Blueberries - 0

Quarter pint of skimmed milk with my porridge and also used my milk allowance to make two caramel flavour coffees during the day. Oh yes that caramel flavour is 0 points - I strongly suggest you comb the aisle for some Douwe & Egbert's flavoured and it might change your life.

Snack - 9.30am
Red Grapes - 0 points

Snack - 11am
Weight Watchers Oaty Chocolate Chip Mini Cookies - 2 points

Lunch - 12.15pm

Warburton Half Pitta - 2 points
Loads of light cottage cheese with pineapple - 2 points
About a million grams of salad - 0 points
(Unpictured) Weight Watchers chocolate biscuit - 2 points

The lunch was nice but I just couldn't stop myself from eating the chocolate biscuit that was SUPPOSED TO BE MY AFTERNOON SNACK. Fail of life.

Snack - 5.30pm
Apple and grape snack pack - 0

Nice tube action shot there. Due to the lack of afternoon snack I was bloody starving by this point so picked up some cheeky fruit for the commute. (Poetry.)

Dinner - 7pm
Lamb Kofte (from Jamie Oliver's 15 Minute Meals) - 12 points

I'd say it was more like 25 minutes, but well done Jamie. My only real adjustment to the recipe was that I didn't use as much couscous as it said and cooked in Frylight instead of oil. 12 points is still a little steep for a dinner, but it was well worth it! JUST LOOK AT THAT AMAZING LAMB.

Dessert - 7.30pm
Marbled meringue  - 1 point
Little bit of greek yoghurt, little bit of honey  - 1 point (Scientific)

I made this meringue MYSELF I will have you know, and the recipe is coming up soon. I love baking so much but have to resign myself to meringues for now as otherwise I just simply cannot trust myself.


Later on I will have a hot chocolate for 1 point. But no picture as I haven't had it yet and can't be arsed to wait now, sorry!

So....

Total  = 28 points.

Not bad, seeing as dinner was lush! The attempt is going to be to stick to 28 points for the remaining 4 days of the week - wish me luck!! 

About to hit the exercise bike now and aiming for 8k. Tomorrow is my new fitness class EEK. 



Monday, 21 January 2013

New week, new foundation

Well as it is Monday I am on a new week but due to various snow-related complications was not able to weigh in this morning and it will have to be tomorrow.

I am not optimistic. As explained yesterday, at the weekend I ate the earth. Pretty much expecting even another gain but tomorrow I am 100% getting back on it (further details below).

Even sadder, today I basically had to accept that my Lancome Teint Idole Ultra foundation had seen better days and it was time to venture off to Superdrug to buy the cheapest foundation they had. For one fleeting moment I thought I might get away with Maybelline Dream Mousse at £4.99 (15 year-old me's go-to make up product of choice) but no such luck. The cheapest foundation in Superdrug was a cool £2.99 and goes by the name of 'Collection 2000 Naturally Matt'.


My sweet beloved Lancome, meet your successor

As said, this Collection 2000 masterpiece was £2.99, less than 10% of the price of Lancome Teint Idole Ultra. I'm yet to try it out on my face but can inform you it smells like biscuits and despite being named 'Ivory' I would describe it more as 'Tangerine'. Oh well, with money saving, you can go hard or you can go home, eh? 

Once I have lost 6.5lbs - or maybe even more if I've gained this week, I will finally gain access to a new make up item, and I'm thinking Estee Lauder Double Wear but what can you do eh? I feel hurt that I am once again wearing the make up I quite literally wore when I was 12, but at the same time it is bloody horrifying when I consider the contents of my make up bag are collectively worth more than my laptop so this is definitely for the best. 

Also did a huge food shop earlier and have lots of lovely food planned for the week. Don't have much going on this week but it's for the best as I want to spend lots of time at home with my boyfriend - as next weekend he's off to bloody China for work. I went to Chelmsford once for my work, he goes to China. Different worlds, eh? I'm not going to have much money anyway as I have spent £16.45 already ordering series 3 of Modern Family (which for some horrific reason is not on Netflix and I can't even comprehend being ready to go on my exercise bike without it). I might crawl back for a repeat Les Mis viewing with my sister at some point though.... (it was predictably amazing). I am not expecting to lose weight and thus gain further budget this week.... sadly enough.

Last week I managed to impressively only spend £23.55 (oh thanks Nando's card) so I am literally about to put £1.45 in my savings account. EVERY PENNY COUNTS. 

I have booked myself to do a new exercise class this week called 'Dancefit' - exciting stuff! I am super, super nervous about going on my own but I am going to try to brazenly have no shame and dance like literally no one is watching. I will write up a review of my experiences after.

I have decided as my day today has already been a fail due to snow situation (plus my own willpower to deal with things when they are not in my routine) I am going to stick to my 28 points per day for the rest of the week. Wish me luck!!! I am going to need it.

Sunday, 20 January 2013

Lazy Girl's guide to exercise


GYM

Pros

  • You can be one of those people who talks about the fact they have been to the gym. "Oh, sorry I'm late, I got caught up at the gym", you'll say, breezily, whilst meeting your friend for coffee. "GOD I'm aching today, that gym workout was PUNISHING!" you'll casually mention at work, with a smile. Basically, the gym becomes a positive part of YOU: much like a trendy haircut, or knowing how to cook souffles. 
  • Unless you are a multi-millionaire then you will never be able to access as big a range of exercise equipment, classes and things to do as you can access at the gym. It's a good place to start to find out what you like, for example.
  • Everyone at the gym that is thinner than you will inspire you to keep going. Everyone at the gym that is fatter than you will make you think "well, if they can do it, I have no excuse." You will never have as much range of inspiration whilst exercising. 

Cons
  • The cost. £40-£50 a month, which you can expect to pay basically anywhere these days unless you're a student, is astronomical for what you are actually getting. Even if you religiously go to the gym 3 times a week EVERY week you're still talking a good £3 + per visit - what a joke!
  • You have to actually be bothered to leave your house and go to the gym. The fact is, sometimes, you won't be bothered. The price per visit increases.
  • You have to actually have the time to go the gym. The gym is more time than other forms of exercise, as as well as the exercise itself, you have to get there and back, get changed before and after, queue for machines... Overall, if you work full time going to the gym is going to take up a fairly significant slice of your free time. Is it worth it?

RUNNING

Pros
  • Running is free apart from the cost of trainers which you can get from Sportsworld for like, under £20.
  • It will take you places you wouldn't normally go. I have enjoyed many lovely coastal runs and also have seen many nice lovely sights of London whilst running (That, and parts of Hackney too...). 
  • You're on your own. All you're doing is running. Nothing else matters. Your mind is blank apart from the process of "one foot in front of the other". This is SO RELAXING.
  • Once again, you can be one of those people who "goes running." "Just did a 5k run!" your facebook status will declare, and everyone will be impressed.
  • Side note: I spend approx 1hr 50 minutes every day on public transport. This means I have a lot of time to indulge in 'Public Transport Fantasies'. These are wide and varied (the most detailed is my X Factor final duet performance) (Bad Romance with Lady Gaga) but one of my favourites is the one where I have just run the London Marathon. As I have explained before, I have yet to break past week 1 on the couch to 5k as I keep stopping and starting again, BUT, one day that goal will be mine and every PE Teacher I have ever had will cry at their complete failure to spot my amazing potential.
Cons
  • Running's a real seasonal thing. I don't know about you but I don't fancy running when it's cold and dark and you're freezing PLUS your personal safety is at risk, hence why I haven't gone since early October.
  • Watch out for traffic etc.
  • Better be careful you don't get lost.
  • When other people run past you faster it is very depressing.


HOME EXERCISE EQUIPMENT

Pros
  • Cost-effectiveness. Our home exercise bike cost us under £100. That's less than 3 months gym membership. We've had it for nearly a year and also actually use it more regularly than I've EVER been to the gym, even when I was unemployed and had LOADS of time. 
  • You can watch TV whilst exercising and can forget the whole thing is happening.
  • You can wear what you what! Exercise in your pyjamas, or a formal gown, no one cares! 
  • You don't have to bother going out so it's a lot easier to get motivated to do it.
Cons
  • Lack of variety.
  • Initial outlay is expensive.
  • Takes up space in your home.

EXERCISE DVDs/ Wii GAMES/ ETC

Pros
  • Cheap. You can get the 30 Day Shred online for around a fiver and it will pretty much last you a lifetime.
  • Games are interactive and fun - sometimes when on Just Dance I'm having so much fun jumping up and down to One Direction it actually doesn't even feel like it's exercise (This is rare to me.)
  • Once again, you're at home, wear that Armani suit for all you like, no one cares.
  • Once again, you don't have to bother leaving the house.
Cons
  • You will come to hate Jillian Michaels with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. If you have ever done the 30 Day Shred even once you will know exactly what I mean.
  • It can get repetitive and boring especially as you can't really even listen to music when you are doing it, etc.
  • You need the space, easier said than done in my life at least.

FITNESS CLASSES

I've only ever done one fitness class but I've been doing kickboxing through my work since May 2012.

Pros
  • It's kind of like PE but fun and not mentally scarring. If you've got great fitness instructors like me they will show you what to do, there will be lots of different activities, time will go quickly.
  • It's a great way to meet new people (or in my case, break the ice with colleagues, there's no going back once someone's seen you tomato red in leggings is there).
  • You can do things you wouldn't otherwise ever be able to do. I can't even tell you how much I enjoy kickboxing, as much as I actually dread doing it on the day and can't wait til it's over while it's happening, at the same time it's one of the highlights of my week. That's the thing with exercise. 
  • As someone's actually there guiding you telling you what to do you know it's at least one workout you're doing properly.
Cons
  • Can be expensive.
  • The eternal problem of actually being bothered to do it.
  • I can imagine if you had bad instructors it not being much use, but what can I say, I've been lucky! 

I have an exercise plan for the future:
  • Going to keep up kickboxing.
  • Thinking of taking up another exercise class as well - Maybe Zumba? Any recommendations? I'd be going on my own so the darkness of embarrassment is a factor.
  • In April I am going to start and eventually complete couch to 5k!


In other news I have to announce the sad sad fact that my work is closed tomorrow (!). I am stuck at my mum's so Monday morning weigh in is postponed to Tuesday. I am also a horrendous human being as being unable to track properly I have just EATEN THE EARTH......hopefully this is rescuable......

Much love x

Monday, 14 January 2013

Monday Weigh In - Week 1

So this morning I was super sad as I have put on 1.5lbs. I am now even back up to 28 points which is the highest I have been in a longggggg time.

I am especially sad as I don't feel I was bad enough at the plan to have deserved such a massive gain. I cut a few corners through the week I guess, only did 3 workouts and on Sunday didn't really track, but at the same time I don't feel like I went mad. I have learnt my lesson though and this week WILL try harder, WILL constantly track and WON'T cut corners.

Being back at 28 points is depressing as it feels like all I am doing is going backwards.

£15 is about to get transferred into my savings account as a harsh punishment for my actions.

Moneywise I could have done better this week. Although I stayed under budget I played very fast and loose with the idea of what should be included in that budget so I think I need to establish some strict rules for the upcoming week.

This week is busy, as usual, but not too much going on which should mess up my Weight & Money Watching. I am going to the cinema and Nando's on Wednesday with my good friend. Going to spend 5 weeklies and pretty much all my weekly money budget on this (Seeing Les Mis though so sooooo worth it.) On Saturday I am actually catering for my parent's friends who are coming to stay (!). (This is a really big deal for me - a year ago I couldn't cook anything for my parents, and now they consider me good enough to cook for their friends!) There will probably be much food and a glass of wine or three, but as I will be cooking everything I will be able to control it. I will save all 44 other weeklies for that. If there are any left over I will use them for a bit of Sunday comfort food, but am not going to treat it as an overdraft during weekdays.

I am keeping my faith in Weight Watchers and am going to do three targets this and every week, based around the three themes of Food, Exercise and Money. Going to keep them simple each week so I can at least feel like I have achieved something.

Week 2 Food Target - Count & Point EVERYTHING.
Week 2 Exercise Target - Work out on 4 days out of 7 (minimum).
Week 2 Money Target - Don't buy anything without knowing in my head how much it is going to cost (I am awful with doing this).


WISH ME LUCK

x

Monday, 7 January 2013

2013 Monday food diary 1

Back in London, back to work, back on Weight Watchers. Sigh.

Breakfast - 6am




Oat so Simple Blueberry Flavour - 3 points
Skimmed milk for the day - 2 points
Blueberries - 0 points
Cinnamon - 0 points

This was my first ever try of Blueberry Oat So Simple (one of the kids' packets, as I just can't face breakfast if it doesn't involve a novelty cartoon character) and was fairly impressed, although it still didn't match up to the God of Porridge, Chocolate Oat So Simple (I have a sad, sad little life.)
That looks like insane amounts of porridge but it's because I have a secret: I add a quarter pint of milk and then fill up with boiling water to 200ml before microwaving. It makes it last longer I swear. 

Snack - 9.30am

Grapes - 0 points.

I love grapes. When I was little we never had grapes at home because they were too expensive (and no, I didn't grow up in the forties). So it has been ingrained into me to only buy them rarely and when I have them it feels like a proper treat. I am seriously not joking.


Snack - 11am

Weight Watchers Jaffa Mini Rolls - 2 points

I spotted these in Tesco next to my normal plain chocolate mini rolls and thought I'd give them a go to shake life up a bit. This was my first ever Jaffa Mini Roll. I am sad to report I didn't enjoy it that much and thought it was a bit sickly. I will be sticking to normal Chocolate Mini Rolls in future. 

Lunch - 12.15pm

Warburton Half Pitta - 2 points
Sweet Chilli Philadelphia - 1 point
Wafer thin Chicken - 1 point
Lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes - 0 points

Weight Watchers Toffee Yogurt - 1 point

Pretty standard 'typical' lunch for me when pointing today, I ate the sandwich with a fork and treated it like a salad with bread really. By the way Warburton Half Pittas for 2 points are probably my single best Weight Watchers find so far, what great points value! Even the Weight Watchers brand ones are 3 points, let alone normal supermarket brands which are like 4+!

2pm - Snack
Weight Watchers Oaty Chocolate Chip Mini Cookies - 2 points

These are both mine and my boyfriend's ultimate favourite Weight Watchers branded product. (Yes, we talk about stuff like this all the time. What can I say, two years down the line you don't have much left to talk about.) They are amazing though and because they're only little and there's loads of them you really psychologically feel like you are getting more. I would RECOMMEND. 

5pm - Snack

Pineapple and Grapes - 0 points


By this time I was home and really hungry which is always a difficult time to not go mental, but I was nice and restrained with a fruit salad. I was still proper hungry afterwards but not chewing off my arm as I was previously (well, not literally) so a bit better. I could have had a proper snack if it was not for cruel fate, but MORE ON THAT LATER.

7pm - Dinner 

Easy Sausage Cassoulet - 9 points (this is the 2 leftover portions as I forgot to take a picture of mine OOPS)

I am aware this looks really unappetising but this was actually really nice. It was essentially baked beans, sausages, breadcrumbs and veg. Kind of like those all day breakfasts you get in a can but nicer. You can find the recipe here but it just makes me sad as my photo looks nothing like it. I'm aware the recipe says 11 points, which is what I had planned for this to be, but I actually did not have enough bread for 300g breadcrumbs which must be an INSANE amount of breadcrumbs. I did have enough for 190g breadcrumbs but even then this was very possibly TOO MUCH. So there you go. I had 2 spare points. Which was annoying as I totally could have had a snack when I was sitting on the tube earlier trying not to chew off the handrails, but there you go. 

Then....

Meringue Nest - 1
Weight Watchers West Country Reduced Fat Cream - 1
Blueberries - 0

Me and my boyfriend love having meringue nests for desserts as they feel like proper desserts WHEN ACTUALLY THEY ARE LESS THAN A CHOCOLATE MINI ROLL. Mental. A little bit addicted to meringues, not going to lie.


9pm - Snack

Options Vanilla Hot Chocolate - 1 point
Light squirty cream - 1

Totally just had this for the sake of it as I had points to use up, which is the AMAZING THING ABOUT WEIGHT WATCHERS. Having it as writing this post and it's pure luxury!!

Total for day : 27/27 points, 0 weeklies used, 49 remaining. 




As for other things:

Money: Proud to say I have not spent ANY money on anything non-essential today. I'm hoping it can stay that way until Friday as I have no excuse to be honest.
Exercise: I cycled 5k on my home exercise bike - this is pretty pathetic as I used to do like 15k+ but I am easing myself back into being bothered to exercise so I'm not feeling that guilty really. I also walked to the tube rather than getting the bus today - not amazing but EVERY LITTLE HELPS, and also lived my whole day in heels which we know helps with calorie burning. 


So I am feeling pretty successful and positive for the week as I type this! Must stay motivated as at the end of the day, I really do need to lose at least 5lbs so I can allow myself to get some new face powder. In dire need. 


x